In All Times

Bad Times

The bad times tear you apart
Ripping your inside with a sharp edged knife
Pain soaring through the mind
Trying to figure the conundrum called life

Feeling just like closing the eyes
Losing yourself in oblivion
A world where no one knows you
Where you know no one
A non-existent entity!

Good times

The bliss percolating in you
And also being reflected at the same time
The reflection adding to the percolation
The world lies at your feet

Feeling like sharing the warmth
Hugging even those you do not know
Seeking to reach the zenith
Of the mountain called happiness

All Times

All times good or bad
Fade away in diminishing light
Mere reflections remain
Telling you about the impermanence

Making you seek the permanent
Making you seek the zenith and the zero
Both together at the same time
Being non-existent and being the infinite!

Thus passes another day

Thus passes another day
Without the slightest trace
No sound, no movement
And it exists no more.

I am no greater
For I will pass too
Not a matter of days, but years
A mere second in the frame of the Universe

Miniscule and virtually non-existent
I sit in one corner of the world
Thinking about myself, my pain, my agony
Considering myself the hero of this fantasy!

Hoping for a change, a reform
Hoping for a better tomorrow
When it’s all suppose to pass away
No sound, no movement.

Death doesn’t have claws
It is serene, it is true
It comes but doesn’t last half a second
No sound, no movement

And despite all this, the world changes
Please don’t call it the cumulative effect
Its not me who does anything
And if you think its you,
Know you will pass too.

And then I surrender one day
To the Universe
Since it knows best and it sent me here
Everything will end when will go away all fear

And then will pass another day
A happier me
A blissful me
No sound, no movement.

The solution

Rashid and I went to the municipality office to lodge a complaint against the open sewage in our area, which was causing a health epidemic. The authorities, like in any other municipality office, were highly apathetic and directed us from one counter to the other, asking us to complete endless formalities without providing any assistance. “You need to fill the complaint form”, “Checking the completed form is not my duty – it is Mishra’s duty. Go to that counter”, “Cant you complete the form properly? What do you mean you don’t know what to fill in these fields?”, “Come back after half an hour. I need to have my tea.”, “What are you guys doing here till now? Cant you wrap up your work quickly”.

By the end of an hour, I was seething with anger. I started cursing them, “God, these men don’t deserve anything. What they do to others, the same should happen to them. They deserve worse. Let them remain dumb and unenlightened for the rest of their lives.” I was loud enough for Rashid to hear and he prayed, “God, bless these people. Give them a lot of happiness and contentment. Enlighten them”. “What for, Rashid?”, I cut his stupid prayer short. He replied, with the wisdom of a hundred year old sage, ”For when they are enlightened will they realize that the way they are working is wrong. And that will bring about an internal reform in them. And then this will never happen again”.

“Punishment serves no purpose. It is cruel to the one it is inflicted on and it makes no difference to the offender’s future for he remains ignorant. Reform changes a man internally; it causes a realization and the man never wrongs again. An eye for an eye just makes two men blind.”. I now knew why Rashid never believed in capital punishment. He knew the solution.

[Dedicated to H.H.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar who has taken the Art of Living Courses to prisoners across the world bringing about a complete reform in their lives]

The echo

The boy reached the edge where the mountain met the valley. He screamed "Hello"; back came the same reply in a similar voice. He did not like the fact that someone had a voice so similar to his; he shouted back "I hate you". The reply was "I hate you".

Some time later in the day, the boy went to his dad and said, "Dad I love you"; his dad said, "I love you too son". The mountain had taught the boy the law of karma.

An Orange Day

It was an orange day. I don’t know why but it was one of those rare days I classified as orange. Days can be so easily classified using colors. I don’t do it; my mind automatically arranges them for me – yellow when I am bright, white when I am calm, black when I am mournful, grey when I am tensed and so on. Every hue carries a message and today was orange.

I did not see anything special about today but somehow I never see a specialty in an orange day right from the start. But my heart says it is an orange day and so, it has to be special. As usual, I leave for college at 7:30 am and reach college late by half an hour. It makes no difference since the lecturer whose class starts at 8 never makes much sense to me. I am allowed to sit for the class and I am happy. Attendance is what I attend for. Less attendance and you are black listed. See, even the lists are colorful. I wonder what a yellow list would be like.

The college goes on till the scheduled 3 pm. In Mumbai, it does not rain, it pours. Last one hour, it was pouring heavily. We requested our lecturer to allow us to go home; he denied permission. Heavy rains aren’t unusual phenomena in Mumbai. And when the college bell rang, we rushed for home. Moving down the staircase that took us to the front gate, we were stopped short in our tracks. I live in Mumbai from 21 years, right from the time they changed my first nappy, but I had never witnessed this before.

The rains looked catastrophic. Meanwhile, cell phones started beeping wildly and the verdict was out – No moving out of here. All rail routes, road routes were closed. Stranded and happy I was. Happy because a day in college doing nothing but chilling out called for a celebration.

The next few hours were spent discussing as to whether we will be able to go home today, cursing the lecturer for not letting us leave early (good he was stranded too) and gossiping about our "favorite" lecturers. I did not know that Reema was going out with Akhil; they were two of my most hated lecturers! Wow, what a combo. We cracked jokes on what would they name their kid when they have one. “Artificially intelligent” came a prompt reply to the question put forth by Rajesh, an out-of-the-box thinking friend of mine. And someone said it would be “Network failure”. Reema taught us Computer Networks, Akhil Artificial Intelligence.

Another few hours gone by and the rain had subdued a little. The more adventurous people had started moving out of college and slowly and steadily people seemed to be moving out. Going back home was impossible but people were trying to go to places of some people known to them living nearby. Seeing the college getting emptier, I decided to move out. A distant cousin of mine lived some blocks away from college and in India, you know all your distant cousins, however distant they may be. I saw a plus in this for the very first time as I moved out to reach his place.

Today was different and hence, it should have classified as green, I was still waiting for the orange spark. And then it dazzled brilliantly through the grey alley I was moving in. She asked me if I could help her under my umbrella, she was drenched. And I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was beautiful, elegant, graceful. It was her eyes I couldn’t take mine off from. Dark jet black, something so beautiful within her. I felt a deep connection. I don’t know if you would describe her as beautiful or elegant when you meet her; most people don’t. But, I saw something I had not seen in any of the girls I had met before, however beautiful they may be. The key had fit the lock perfectly and I felt my heart had closed for any other woman on earth. It was unusual but it was a moment to be revered for life.



“Excuse me?” she got me back to my senses. “Sorry”, I mumbled. “You can get under the umbrella. But I don’t know how well this would be able to protect us both.” She got under my umbrella. She smelt of sandalwood – pure and holy. She looked at me to say “Thanks”. I was wondering if she felt the same clinking of metals within her, the same current running under her skin as was running through me.

She got under the umbrella. I tried controlling myself but blurted out, "You are so beautiful." How can you ever say this to a girl when you have only just met her? What will she think about me - would she find me ugly and desperate? But she only smiled. She said, "I know and I am glad you can see it too". I did not understand what she meant when she said this. Glad that I saw it too? Does this mean other people did not see her as beautiful? I was confounded.

And it again started pouring madly. The water in the lane we were now walking in was already a little above waist-level. But, this sudden pouring had taken me aback. Luckily, I noticed that an electricity pole was dangling dangerously around the corner of the lane. If the pole fell down, it would electrify us both to our deaths. And I caught her hand and asked her to run. The pole could collapse any moment and we had to hurry. But, she did not move - out of fear or shock I do not know. And I said,"What? Do you want to die?" And she said,"Nobody wants to die. But we all have to." This wasnt time for philosophy. But she continued, "People find death ugly for it takes them by shock. But, there are few who understand the beauty in it. Death is transformation. Can you imagine how would it be to just live on and on with this body ageing but there being no death. How ugly that kind of immortality would be as compared to death?" I thought she was crazy.

I left her hand to run away but she held my hand tightly and I couldnt move. I was just attracted. And she continued, "People see in death what they are. And you saw beauty in me. You are beautiful. And you will pass into a newer life without any pain, without any trouble. You deserve a beautiful transition". Till I could just grasp what these words meant about her,the pole collapsed. A strong current ran through my body and I smiled. Life had passed in the time my lips had curled. It was surely an orange day - the last of this lifetime.

Style

"I have always wanted to be different but in wanting it, I have been so ordinary. But, when I am just the way I am, I am so unique that I dont need to want to be different. I just am!
Somebody called me weird today. I felt so happy :D".

Style is all about being yourself. The moment you get conscious of what others think about you, you have lost it! If you wear a certain set of clothes and you are very conscious of whether your dressing sense will be appreciated, please change the clothes. The moment you are conscious of every one else's opinion, the style in the clothes ends.

Because there is no style in the clothes. The clothes are given style by the one who wears them. Stop wanting to look stylish. BE yourself - calm, composed, unruffled and dont care for what the world has to say about you. And what will follow you is your own unique style.

Over a period in time, I have understood my style. It is being simple, helpful and friendly. It is not just arrogance or complexity that can make you stylish. Each one has his/her own unique signature and mine is called simplicity.

The Mirage

It was a pretty exhausting sight – for a man already so exhausted. I could see only a long stretch of desert; an infinite stretch; extending from the horizon behind me to the horizon beyond. Time stood still in the face of an unmoving desert – and it was my race against time; the race with a small twist – the winner would be the one who lasts last. I definitely wasn’t the one whom you would put your money on – even I wouldn’t have!

I had covered a great expanse after the robbery the previous morning; where I had lost all my money and my camel at gunpoint. Despite all the efforts at being a miser, I could not save a single drop of water by noon. And here I stood, one day later, with my throat parched, the sunrays piercing my skin like a sharp dagger but blood refusing to ooze out. Blood too survived on water.

It wasn’t all that pleasant a trip that I had heard my colleagues speak of in Europe when they spoke of Sahara. I never thought I would ever see a mirage but I had already seen three by now. Can you imagine how it feels – you will realize if you try to feed a dog that hasn’t eaten since 3 days. Show him a piece of bread but don’t let him eat it. ‘Jump doggie, jump’ and it will jump higher and higher and do you know how it will react if you don’t give him the piece of bread in the end? I could not even do that. Not one but three illusions of being close to water – the life-saving liquid, the most beautiful part of all existence. And just when you are about to touch it, swoosh it goes! Nowhere to be seen!

Every single step I took gave me pain far beyond comprehension and yet I moved on. I did not even know if I was in the right direction until I reached the famous Ghard Abu elMaharik ghoroud, the famous sand sea, or what I would call it – The land of the Dunes. I could see the great dunes rising to my right; seif dunes, the ones, uniform in their straightness on the long axis with beautifully winding but sharply edged crests. I knew I was on the right track; one more day and I would make it to my destination, that is, only if I survived.

Very suddenly, amidst the dunes, I saw it! A distinct shining and gleaming on a piece of flat land between two huge dunes, meant to tempt travelers like me – water like I had never seen before. It was a beautiful sight, the drops of water glistening in the bright sun. I tried smacking my lips but even saliva refused! My dry tongue rolled on the torn lips and I was about to make a leap but I was suddenly stopped short. Good, at least my gray cells had not stopped working. I knew what this was. And I had been anticipating this since morning. I knew there were more to come. The desert was trying to capitalize on my weakest link, trying to break me down through a torture, like the ones, Nazis inflicted on the Jews. It was a mirage! “You can’t break down like that. You have to fight this desert. Don’t look there again.” And I moved ahead. But I saw myself turning back, again and again, just to get a glimpse of water. My eyes were thirsty too.

But, I moved on. Victory number one! And then there was victory number 2! And victory number three! And then, they were gone. I had overcome my weakness and with a renewed vigour, I walked towards my destination. One and a half days it took me to reach the Bahareya Oasis. But, I had finally made it!

Here, I met Abdel Hayfa, another traveler who had been looted on his way. He had reached here a day before me. Robberies were on a rise in the Sahara these days. But despite all the difficulties in his journey, this man looked perfectly fit and fine. That had me surprised, since here I was – looking as ghastly as ever, bedridden with high fever. Loo had struck me and what a blow it had been. "How did you survive the unbearable thirst for last two days and are yet so fit and fine?", I asked. "Why no.. On my way here, it had rained at the Ghard Abu elMaharik ghoroud and I found a good deal of water there. Enough to survive me through the rest of my journey. Didn’t you find any water out there?", asked Abdel. And lightning struck me, pretty hard I must say! And though, now that I know, my race with time was an unduly long one, though I am down with fever, completely bedridden, though I will not recover for another week at least and though I had the toughest time of my life, I wasn’t depressed. I had learnt the biggest lesson of my life, "Most mirages in the world exist where they should not – in the human mind!"

A Transition

Claustrophobic is the word. The strangulation of the throat, the breathlessness, the agony. Every moment feels like a lifetime. The pain pierces the body into the heart. Each cell shivers with the thought of the next. Suddenly, darkness dawns in. This is the end. I somehow know, this must be it. But no, I am not there yet. Death felt like such a shimmer of hope. Alas, it wasn’t to be. With half-closed pupils, I still see the world with blurred eyes awaiting the moment. Awaiting something. I am stuck between two pathways – hanging from a cliff. I fear loosening my grip and yet holding on is extremely painful. The two worlds seem far apart. Yet, I hope they coincide. Somewhere, within me, I hope for a smooth transition. It can’t be this abrupt. It doesn’t seem right. Communication sometimes is the key but here, I miserably fail to speak out. I hope for a stroke of magic and I don’t let the hope die. It is the only thing which pulls me along every moment of the darkness.

And in the far away distance, I see a flicker of light growing larger, more beautiful, approaching me. I guess the time has come. And a lullaby sings on its own accord somewhere in my heart. I am going to sleep now. Forever. And gradually, beautifully, I do it. I breathe my last.

Exclusive!

It was raining pretty heavily this weekend. Warning was issued that nobody moves out of his/her home. So, what do you do when you are stranded at home? Ofcourse, TV!! Good, soaps do not occupy channel space on weekends. So, I could watch the news. Well, the plethora of news channels available for us gives us such wonderful variety to select from.

So, going through various channels, I finally landed up on India TV. India TV, remember? The Shakti kapoor scandal. The channel which relies on stings more than news!! Well, that’s what I used to think. Till, I watched this exclusive piece of footage which no other news channel could even cover! This wasn’t a sting operation though I thought, for the first time, that a sting operation would be much preferable. The news report headlined ‘Naag aur naagin ka pyaar’. Everyone is so keen on cashing on sex today that the news channel stooped to show two snakes mating each other at prime time. Well, we are not all that desperate, are we?

Well, if the idea wasn’t hilarious enough even for animal planet to show, the news reader made it even more incredulous. It seems he did a lot of ground research on snakes before he said this, “The female snake waits for the male snake. Then, the male snake climbs down a tree and reaches his mate. And all this while they feel nobody is watching them. But well, somebody is watching their romance. Who this is, we will tell you after a short break”.

Oh, you have to wait the entire break to know who saw the snakes mating. Ofcourse, it was the India TV camera! Sting, remember? Well, this was prime time 8 pm news on this channel and ofcourse no other news channel could show such important news to its viewers. Can you beat it, not even STAR News! But, I am glad for this exclusive bit of news, not for the news, but for the fact that it is exclusive, just on this channel! If others too joined in….

Defying Gravity

Can you imagine
how must it feel
To break out of a central attraction
That binds you down to where you are

Floating high, so high that you can touch your dreams
At almost an arm's stretch
Creating newer miracles
Breaking out of the mould that strong.

The black hole has lost all its meaning
No more gravitation to hold you back
You decide your boundaries
Rather, you are limitless!

Experiencing the kick
That takes you to such a high
That you reach a newer dimension
Whose existence you didnt know of.

Defying the rules is not so difficult
But difficult is to persist the defiance
And so lies the truth
With Defying Gravity.

When your system slows down

Isnt it so irritating when things don’t work at the pace of your brain? You click, click and click on that bloody link but it does not open… Everything is wrong with the network and the bandwidth and you of course curse man for inventing things like the internet which make you used to getting anything you want at a click’s pace… Oh damn! What a long click!

But you know, it honestly isn’t all that bad. Its days since I was thinking of writing something interesting. And look at what the slowing of my system has given me! Not only an opportunity to write something new, but the topic chose itself! Till my code chooses to activate itself (don’t bother with the terminology, its just some infinitely long processing going on), I write this to bore you thoroughly and enthrall myself with your dumbfounded expressions.. Hehe, how sadistic!

But it is just amazing the amount of small little stuff that you can do in your system down time. You can gel up with your colleagues who also are abusing the system performance the way you are. No better way to get along with people than a heart to heart talk about how very much you hate the way things are, your work is, your office is, how someone else got that promotion that you completely deserved, how people tend to boss you all the time... Or perhaps, if you are a workaholic, you could make a checklist of things that you haven’t ever tried on your system and the new R&D you could do and suggest your system developers on how they can improve their performance… After all, they don’t call you a geek just like that…

Or else, if you carry your newspaper along, open it and read that article which you thought you would read when you would get time, that is, if you have not already joined your colleagues in abusing your office and boss! And if you are the spiritual kinds, close your eyes and meditate. Resist all the temptations to abuse, let your patience be tested but don’t join your colleagues in the jolly good time they are having! No, no … keep your eyes closed I said…

And finally if you still don’t have any work to do, do it like me… Write stuff that makes no sense whatsoever and make people read it just for enthralling your self… Go ahead, go ahead… Enjoy the sadistic moment! Thank God, the system fails once in a while!

Colored!

It feels crimson red
When I look at you
It feels pink
When you look back.

It feels dark green
When you are with someone.
It feels cool blue
When I share myself with you.

It feels yellow
When you are in a bright mood
It feels gray
When you are away.

It feels black
When I fight with you
It feels chocolate brown
When we are back again.

It feels orange.
To see my early morning sun.
It feels so white
To be in love.

No, you dont color my heart,
Not my feelings either,
Not even my life
You color my soul!

Yearning for Support

Yearning for support
I need to be held
The need for someone to wipe my tear
To embrace me so tight
That it takes away all my pain in its warmth.

For a friend's hand on my shoulder
For a motherly touch on my arm
For a pat on my back
For fingers ruffling my hair
Like the gentle breeze.
Yes, yearning it is!

And I know when it will be dusk
The time for me to go
I will look back and thank these times
For creating a new dawn - my dawn,
To have given me the strength of steel!

An Atheist (A Believer's Perspective)

Atheism, as per the Oxford dictionary means "Disbelief in, or denial of, the existence of God'. Culturally, we have been born and brought up with a certain set of beliefs and one of the most strongly reinforced beliefs in us has been that of the existence of God. Although, over the years, as we grow up, each one defines God in his or her own way, yet there are few who logically challenge this concept--some of them who cant find any logic behind his existence become atheists, and the others(like me) become believers.

So now, I make a classification as follows:

1) Peoplw who logically analyze the analyze the presence of God (Category Q)
2) People who do not feel the need for analysis Category(P)

Category Q pwople can be further classified as
i) Atheists (Category Q1)
ii) Believers (Category Q2)

I often come across threads in various communities on Orkut like 'What is the meaning of life?' which often(and pretty expectedly) takes a turn and enters the "divine" spectrum of discussion. And then, you see a huge clash of opinions between the theists and atheists. The atheist tries to disprove God while the believer would never even try to see the logic involved behind such a conclusion and would pass repugnant remarks against the atheists(ofcourse, not everyone does that, yet most do). Well, I dont really understand how can a "believer" be so non-inclusive by nature?

Well, coming back to the point---atheism. Or perhaps the difference between the P and Q1 category of people... Atheists, by disbelieving God, atleast prove that they are thinkers. They would not take any thing that any one feeds them with. Honestly, there was a point in time where even I had started thinking, 'Does God really exist?'. A thought on similar lines is sufficient proof of the existence of your own individual indentity in this world.

But, what really makes someone think like this? I am not sure. Though, I believe it is a sense of loss which triggers the question in your head. When unfortunate things happen, you start questioning the "happy endings" that you were always made to believe in.

Well, fortunately for me, when I was questioning the existence of God, I came across meditation---and I needed no more proof(Thank You Guruji for everything:) ). And then a realization stuck me hard that faith cannot be proved. And where the realm of logic ends, that is just the beginning of the realm of faith. No, I dont expect an atheist to understand that and I dont even intend to explain. Certain things lie beyond explanation. And yet, they exist...

I have always believed in "happy endings" and the faith in me says---> I will have a happy ending---perhaps, all of us will! And yet, when I see an atheist, I develop a sense of respect for that individual---because I realize here is a person who has the wisdom to question, to challenge, to understand...

Would like to end this by saying:
" Be it an atheist or a believer, behind the mask, lies the same face ".

- Shreyans Mehta
(A special dedication to Aakarsh--the atheist;), who in his own subtle way, inspired me to write this blog)

The Cage

'I roam around freely
This is my abode
The world inside is full of comfort
And the one outside is just full of load.
I am the KING of this place
This is MY zone
Oh! I quite love the comfort which it brings along
This territory, that I call my own.'

I am broken from these thoughts
When I hear a laughter full of mock
Swoosh! Appears a sage from nowhere
And when I recover from this shock
He tells me this place is a trap
Which I call my zone
That my purpose lies outside somewhere
Not in the place, I call my own.

I laugh at him in his face
But when he goes away
I start giving it a second thought
And white starts replacing grey!
OH YES! What the sage said was right
All this is so worthless
And if I stay here anymore
My life would be a mess!

Gripped by this sudden frenzy
I try to run away
Just to collide against the wall
The wall stands in my way!
And then I run in all directions
Thinking about, what said the sage
And everytime, I meet a collision
Just to realize this is a cage!

A cage the society built up
Before giving me this home
So that I could live in comfort
But MY world, I could not roam.
But has the society built this cage
Or has this been done by me?
A voice within still calls out
BREAK FREE... BREAK FREE...

In The Quest For God

I searched the mountain peaks
And fathomed every sea
I searched everywhere
Every place where you ought to be.

I searched the deep valleys,
And tried to find you there
Searched every river, every stream
But you seemed to be nowhere.

I saw the animals
Searched among the tree
Oh God! Where are you
Please show yourself to me’

The traveler prayed aloud
And he looked very grim
But as all of us know
God could not disappoint Him.

The prayer was heard
By a man passing by
And the traveler’s quest ended
When came this reply

‘Have you heard of the deer
Who searches for the musk
Whose quest just like yours
Goes on from dawn to dusk

The deer smells the fragrance
And goes round and round
But do you know
Where the musk is to be found?

Not in the mountains
Not in any river
The musk is present
Right inside the deer.’

The traveler was happy
And the answer he knew
That God is nowhere
But in me and you.

Still, in the name of religion
The situation looks so grim
When people kill each other
They are actually killing Him!

So let us love each other
And let our horizons be broad
Let us stop fighting
At least in the name of God.

JAI GURUDEV